My Friends Have a Very Meek Notion of Irony.

I say some stuff about Candy Crush Saga and how everyone's hooked on it.

A few minutes later I get this.

Here's How You Send Out a Personalised Diwali Greeting.

Just some trick I pulled on my friends. Worked really well too. Caught up with a lot of friends too.

Here's How China Will Take Over the World.

They will get you hooked on Chinese food. Then they will make you watch mind-numbing songs about Chinese Food.



Well played, you Chinese folks. 

My PC Can Look into the Future.

I usually go for gadgets that have more firepower than I would ever need. Granted I plan to edit my future feature film on my new computer, but when I got it I never quiet realised it came with some really clever features. Like the Windows 7 OS this thing runs on can actually look into the future. Don't believe me? Have a look yourself.

I always arrange files as per dates and the last file you see here which is classified under the absurd but accurate 'Sometime in the future' section is actually a reference picture I saved for a deck chair I want to make. Freak coincidence or clairvoyance? Regardless of that I admit I haven't been giving Windows 7 and my computer as much credit as they deserve.

Taglines for Kurla Tourism.

Think Saki Naka is bad? You ain't seen nothing yet baby. Come to Kurla. Or as they call it hell on earth. Every day I lose minutes of my life stranded in its traffic. Every day I beg rude rickshaw-wallahs to take me to their destination - to actually do the jobs they are supposed to do. Every day my feet make contact with the muck of its potholed roads. So this is my tribute to Kurla. A few pro bono taglines. 


Kurla - Meet Mother Nature's shithole.

Kurla - A pothole on every corner.

Kurla  - Come for the BKC shortcut, stay because of the traffic jam.

Kurla - It's just like Bandra, except for the sea, the babes and the booze.

Kurla - Where none of the fun is.

Kurla - When you crave a slow painful death.

Kurla - Where you will be, when your karma catches up with you.

Kurla - Discover hell on earth.

Kurla - Satan's own country.

Kurla - Puts Andheri East to shame. 

Lakme Gets a Vampire to Act as a Skin Expert in its Ad.

Look Count Dracula, the local beautician. 

Most advertising's cumulative effect is subliminal. But Lakme hit a masterstroke in its 30 second commercial for a product called Youth Infinity. With this product, women's 'Twenties sculpted look' is protected. Now who better to talk about looking just the same than a vampire. They cleverly put a pasty looking distant cousin of Mr. Dracula to act as the skin expert and explain to the woman how she can continue to look the same with Youth Infinity. 

Well played Lakme. Hope someone soon puts up the director's cut of the commercial where we see the guy digging his fangs into the young model and giving her a beauty solution that may actually work.

My Friends Get the Darnadest Notes with their Gifts.

There are plenty of things you can do for making a friend's birthday memorable. Like leaving behind a hand-written note like this one.

A disparate group of people came together for this one.

Not Now Honey, Am Organising My Browser Tabs.

Browse Like a Man (Who Has Short Attention Span).

How to Ruin a Perfectly Sweet Birthday Greeting.

So my co-worker Sandeep is kind of a jerk. The first one to pick on the newbies at work. Always ready to play some cruel trick. Needless to say, I stepped in to mete out justice. Someone had to. Evil after all should be expelled with evil. Yes, I read too many comic books while growing up. Your concern actually appalls me. Anywho, so when Sandeep got a sweet greeting from the company wishing him on his birthday, I made a few modifications to make the greeting even more accurate.

The word I omitted out was 'Never'.
Dedicated to writing honest copy since 14 century BC.

Thank You, Kind Stranger for Making My Monday Memorable.

Excuse me if I go a little Blanche DuBois on you right now. I came to work today feeling slightly downbeat. The mere sound of Mondays doesn't put me in my best moods. Add to it the fact that I had slept late last night. An odd masochistic ritual I repeat diligently every Sunday. I came in thinking, 'Damn, this is going to be one long week' and then I found this on my table.

The Anniversary edition of Harper's was on my desk and the lovely bikini-clad Katrina Kaif on the cover was telling me, 'Listen buddy, if I can get through making my debut with Bad Man Gulshan Grover, you can get through Monday.' I guess when a super-hot bikini clad model with mediocre acting skills says things like these, you just have to agree.

I asked around later who left the copy on my desk. (If you go through my blog, you will realise that this sort of a thing happens a lot at my office.) Surprisingly no one had a clue. Some kind stranger decided to cheer me up by leaving it on my desk. To thee, dear stranger, I solemnly thank. I will also have you know that am partial to Chitrangada Singh though. 

Destroy My Droid - App Idea.

Ever had a your phone stolen? Ain't that a kick in the head. Apart from losing all your precious data, you lose something that's much more than a device. You lose an indispensable part of your life. Of course there are apps to track your phone in such cases (Find My Droid, some inbuilt one's from Samsung) but chances are you would never see your phone again. If your phone was nabbed by some syndicate, those slime balls can even change your IMEI too. And even if you manage to block your phone or find its location, how do you plan to recover it, if say, it's in Reykjavik.

So what do you do in such cases? Of course file a report with the cops, but do you let the bad guys get away with your phone? No, you go full vigilante on their ass.

Enter Destroy My Droid. The nifty little app I plan to create (with conceivably zero coding skills and generous donations from you, dear reader). You install the app on the phone and if your phone ever gets stolen and you know there's no chance of recovery. You send in your secret Destroy My Droid code to your phone and it explodes. Curious about how the mechanism works? I have no idea about it myself, but you know you want this app on your phone.

For $2 more you can even have your phone dictate a personal message to the guys who stole your phone before it explodes. Special discounts if you go with Samuel L Jackson's 'I will strike down upon thee with vengeance' speech from Pulp Fiction.

You can bring the Destroy My Droid app to life by participating in my Kickstarter campaign. Don't donate to make me rich, do it to do right by your phone and serve justice to those who wronged it and you.

*App soon to be launched for Apple Devices. Tentative Name - 'Here's a Rotten Apple, Bitch'.

What Happens When the Art Director Has a Go at the Copy

Those not aware of Helvetica, here's a small intro. Helvetica is possibly the most popular font of our times. It's ubiquitous, business like without being boring and a whole bunch of brands, right from Apple to a couple of major financial conglomerates use it. Most if not all art directors adore it. You can use it on everything - right from your resume to the centerfold for Playboy and it will never look odd. Which brings me to the point of this Facebook post - some helvetica loving art director decided to dabble with copy and viola, this piece of brilliance came into being. Lesson learnt - never let an art director write copy.

Nah, it's never gonna be 'More Perfect' than Georgia. 

It's not surprising that whenever my art partners see the doodles I make while thinking or for explaining a particular concept, they are left fuming too. Here's an example. You see that thing down there? It's supposed to be an eagle.

Pretty much nailed it, didn't I?

PS: This is all in jest! I need you, Mr/Miss Art Director to ask me to trim that headline and you need me to tell you to go easy on the helvetica. And with some practice and help, we can do each other's jobs and make the work better too. So let's get together and make something better than this piece of turd here. Of course am not talking about my awesome eagle doodle.

Yeh Jawaani Thi Purani - The Laziest Film Review Ever Written.

On this site, we adhere to the highest norms of journalistic integrity and work ethic. Which is why apart from film reviews, you will find me talking about my everyday shenanigans and using this as a photoblog too. And after reviewing Poonam Pandey's debut feature's trailer, yes not the film but its trailer, me and the site management staff (Mainly, me and my alter egos) were wondering how can we hit a new low. And then we came onto this, we post a very delayed review of 'Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani'. What's more, just to get a kick out of it, we don't even bother writing it, we just post screenshots of the very long email exchange* I had with my friend Sanjana.

Your inconvenience is not regretted.

For someone with your eye sight,
am impressed you are still reading.

You sir/ma'am are a faithful reader. Thank you. 

For the significant 1% Moldovan visitors of this blog, I am sure all this seems strange to you. So to help you out am posting the trailer of the film. Believe me you, watching this trailer is as good as watching the film.

* Ever since Sanjana moved to the US, I have taken upon me the onerous task of keeping her informed about the latest garbage/good flicks that come out of Bollywood. Which reminds me I need to write to her soon and tell her to watch the unintentionally hilarious trailer of Krissh 3.

I Work with the Nicest Account Executive!

I mean, sure he has good intentions and all, but the only task he has managed to finish between 7 t0 9, is the 9th one. And he isn't even playing the best Govinda songs. The man didn't even bother with Coolie No. 1 OST. What is up with that? Regardless, he does have some good intentions.

Advertising needs more men like these. Heck, copywriters need more such executives. 

The Boss Knows Best!

If you play your cards right or if plain dumb luck favours you, you will find the right boss. A boss who inspires you, guides you and shows you the way. And if you are like this colleague of mine, whose boss is too busy to show her the ropes, you can take the path she took. Which is to literally follow one's boss every step of the way. 

                                  PS: You are better off watching the video in full screen. 

The Beginner's Guide to Bugging One's Colleagues - Part II

Remember those Christmas mornings when you woke up and ran straight downstairs to find your presents neatly wrapped and placed by the Christmas tree? Well, I never had such a Christmas. I was raised in a Hindu family which took a low-key approach to even Hindu celebrations, let alone Christmas. This and a few more things have turned my soul into black-hole of despair and angst. Which in turn leads me to leave magazines with lurid covers on my colleague's desk and stick inappropriate post-its on them.

Fellow netizens, I will continue giving you useful tips for harassing your colleagues and if you keep going at it as diligently as I have, the end result will look something like this.

Your colleague will feel like burying
 himself under some foamcore.

Find the first part of this series here.

The Beginners Guide to Bugging One's Colleagues.

What do you do when your colleague leaves some loose change on his desk and rushes off to a meeting? Well, if you are as devious as me, you leave him a congratulatory note like this one.

The post it reads: 'Congrats on the raise.'

Next Weekend, I Will Get My Act Together!

What does an unproductive weekend look like? | Infographics

I am no wiz when it comes to infographics, but you can make a neat one like this for free at www.infogr.am

Shit the Samsung Galaxy S4 cannot do!

There's the powerhouse octa-core processor, then there are features like Air Gesture which allow you to view messages without touching the screen and Smart Pause which pauses your videos when you look away. All in all the Samsung Galaxy S4 is a formidable phone. In fact, far more powerful than my Google Nexus 4, which only a few days back was the fastest phone on the planet.

But there's one thing the S4 can't do? And that's this.

360 Panorama / Street View pictures - eat your heart out Galaxy S4!

Yes, there's an S4 review on my monitor.

PS: This outburst has a lot to do with my phone not being the fastest phone on the planet anymore and it being outrun by the Sony Xperia and HTC One X. But I love you nonetheless my beloved Nexus. I shall continue to defend you through idiotic blog posts.